AnaSCI - Fitness Evolved

Buy Needles and Syringes with NO PRESCRIPTION   Synthetek Muscle Building And Fat Loss Products   Cheap Pure Supplements

ŠALL CONTENT OF THIS WEBSITE IS COPYRIGHTED AND CANNOT BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE ADMINISTRATORS CONSENT 2003-2019

   
  Synthetek Syntherol  
   
   
   
Largest Selection of Bodybuilding Products   Largest Selection of Bodybuilding Products   Largest Selection of Bodybuilding Products


User CP FAQ Members List Calendar New Posts Quick Links Log Out

AnaSCI Fitness Evolved  AnaSCI Fitness Evolved  AnaSCI Fitness Evolved  AnaSCI Fitness Evolved  AnaSCI Fitness Evolved


        
        
        
        
        

Automatic Translations (Powered by Yandex):
Albanian Belarusian Catalan Czech Danish Dutch English Estonian Finnish French German Greek Hungarian Italian Latvian Lithuanian Macedonian Norwegian Portuguese Russian Slovak Slovenian Spanish Swedish Turkish Ukrainian

Go Back   Anabolic Steroids Discussion and Bodybuilding Forum > Anabolic Science Section > Anabolic Science Forum

Like Tree46Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
The Things Your Mom Never Told You about Being Big
Old
  (#1)
AnaSCI VIP
 
chicken_hawk's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 1,634
Join Date: Feb 2013
Exclamation The Things Your Mom Never Told You about Being Big - 06-08-2014, 10:29 AM

The Things Your Mom Never
Told You About Being Big.
By Jason Meuller.

So, you wanna be a bodybuilder, huh? Stand up on stage next to the big boys, get all the ladies, never have that sand kicked in your face again, I hear ya. There's one little problem though. Walking around with all that extra steroid-induced muscle isn't all peaches and cream baby. Sometimes it can be a downright pain in the ass (literally). Sit back and pay attention, school is now in session.

Breathing is a Bitch
If you've ever had the chance to hang out with a professional bodybuilder, one thing becomes immediately clear. Most of these guys suck wind like you wouldn't believe. Simple tasks, like say, checking the mail for instance, is enough to make a lot of these guys gasp and wheeze for oxygen.

I myself have experienced this on many occasions. I own a three-story condo with plenty of stairs. Stairs. The bane to my existence. Do you know how many times I've considered installing one of those chairs that helps old people up the stairs? It's especially lovely after a brutal leg workout, it's 11 at night, and I've got to get some sleep. Do I climb three flights of stairs so I can get to my bedroom or crash out on the couch?

The human heart was not designed to pump blood through miles of additional vascular networks that are created through steroid induced hypertrophy. Quite frankly, many of these athletes are taxing their hearts to very dangerous levels. The combination of extreme size, steroid-related hypertension, and lack of cardiovascular conditioning makes for a dangerous combination.

You Sweat Like a Gerbil at a Gay Pride Rally
Ok, I admit that was probably in poor taste, but it was damn funny. Who likes to sweat? Hey, if you're planning on being one of the big boys, you're going to learn to love it! You think you sweat profusely now? Wait until you're about 280 lbs of muscle and see what happens.

My favorite example for this is Nasser El Sombaty. Don't get me wrong, I love Nasser, he's got an unbelievable physique and one of the few pros that can carry on an intelligent conversation. Talking to most of these guys will put you to sleep faster than a liter of GHB. Joking aside, Nasser serves as our perfect case study for excessive sweating. Having seen and talked to him many times at various shows and guest appearances, I can honestly tell you that even doing something as mundane as sitting and signing autographs causes Nasser to pour sweat.

Other athletes share similar fates. At last years Olympia Greg Kovacs was constantly toweling off as sweat poured down his face. At the press conference it was miserable to watch the athletes, all wearing some form of dress attire, pour sweat under hot lights and the strain of many weeks of dieting.

Again, the human body was not designed to carry around the 50-100 lbs of steroid induced muscle these athletes wear. The incredible caloric intake, hypertension, and artificially heightened metabolisms of these athletes all serve to overload the natural cooling system of the body. Excessive and profuse sweating results.

Pain is Your Constant Companion
Big deal, right? You've spent hours in the gym, you know what it's like to recover from the most brutal workouts. Well my friend, have I got a treat for you. Training naturally and training on gear is a whole different animal altogether. While I have the utmost respect for natural trainers, I can honestly say that 9 out of 10 steroid users are going to train harder and more aggressively than their natural counterparts (And yes, I can see the deluge of hate mail from naturals coming already).

Lord knows I've seen my fair share of mammoth bodybuilders dog it in the gym. I've also witnessed natural bodybuilders train with intensity that is inspiring. However, a smart natural bodybuilder will almost always train his body at a level below what he is capable. Why? Because natural bodybuilders must always deal with the limiting factor of cortisol, which is elevated in response to training. Anabolic steroids allow bodybuilders to break past this barrier, and by their very nature, produce a level of aggressiveness that most natural trainers cannot reach.

Anabolic steroids allow you to lift longer, lift heavier, and with more intensity. While I must admit that some bodybuilders tend to use steroids as a crutch and fail to take advantage of this, most athletes will train harder while "on". Obviously, the harder you train, the more pain you'll experience as you recover from each session. Additionally, it's not uncommon for long-term steroid users to suffer from severe joint pain. The constant stress of accommodating weights that overload connective tissues can lead to a variety of problems. Why do you think so many top bodybuilders are addicted to Nubain?

While were on the subject of steroids, let's discuss another painful aspect of achieving massive size. When you start taking the 2-4+ grams per week of steroid required to achieve a professional caliber physique, you start realizing something. Taking that many shots really sucks. Let's say you're an aspiring bodybuilder, you've got some decent size, and now it's time to really up the ante in your quest to pursue greatness. A typical cycle of injectables for someone like this might consist of 2000 mg of test a week, 600 mg of deca, and 75 mg of trenbolone acetate every day. At the very minimum, you're going to be injecting 18 cc's of oil into your body every week. This assumes you're using a testosterone preparation that is 250 mg/ml and that you were lucky enough to locate deca at 200 mg/ml. More realistically, you're going to be using a lower strength of testosterone, say 200 mg/ml and a much lower strength of deca, probably around 50 mg/ml. You're now injecting 30 cc's of oil per week! Question. Where is all of this oil going to go? Before you weren't taking that much juice and managed to take all of your shots in the glutes. Now you're hitting your delts and quads and still trying to figure out where else you can stick yourself.

Something happens after years and years on steroid injections. You build up a great deal of scar tissue. This makes injections even more fun as the needle no longer glides swiftly and smoothly through tissue towards its final destination. There's something quite sickening and unpleasant to actually hear and feel the crunching and squeaking that results as a needle makes its way through heavy scar tissue. Better yet, this scar tissue allows for very little blood circulation. It's not at all uncommon to have a bolus of oil sit in you ass for a week because you injected directly into scar tissue. Over time, this will eventually happen to your glutes, legs, and delts, really anywhere you inject repeatedly. This is not a result of improper or unsterile injection techniques, it's simply the result of years of steroid abuse.

Last but not least, let's not forget the newest fad to hit the bodybuilding scene, site injections. Now areas that were previously taboo for injection sites are being poked and prodded on a daily basis in an attempt to artificially swell the muscle with various fats and fatty acids. Now I know there are many of you that think the use of these substances is limited to a few bad apples in the sport of bodybuilding. We can easily spot these miscreants at shows, with a rear delt that is wildly over inflated or a bicep that looks like those water balloons you used to throw at your sister when you were a kid. I hate to break it to you, but site injections are used by damn near everybody now. Bodybuilding is a sport, much like many others, that will always fail to hear the voice of reason. As bodybuilders continue their quest for increased size, the risks and chances they take become greater and greater. You'll not find a bodybuilder in the upper levels of the sport who's going to stand-up and martyr himself to correct the evils associated with competition. You don't want to site inject? We'll Mr. Olympia contestant, please take 16th place and shut your hole. Thanks for playing.

Ah, but I digress. Back to pain. If you've taken shots long enough, you know that occasionally, not matter how careful you are with your injection techniques, your going to get a "bad" shot that hurts for quite some time. Site injections are all "bad" shots. Your injecting into areas that are not meant to accommodate large amounts of oil. Injecting 2-3 cc's into your biceps for weeks at a time is painful as all hell. Injecting into your calves can make it difficult to walk. Suck it up kid, you're a bodybuilder now.

Time to Eat
Now that you've decided to play with the big boys, you've got your program all set. The workouts are written out, the drugs are in place, and you've got your 5 meals a day of chicken and rice ready to go. Watch out Mr. Olympia, here I come! Cut to six months later. You're leaner. You're meaner. But you're not a helluva lot bigger. What happened? Lack of food is what happened.

I'm not going to go over this again in too much detail, I've already done so in past issue of Anabolic Extreme. If you want to read an article that takes a realistic look at the kind of nutritional program it takes to compete at the upper levels of the sport, read Extreme Eating for Mass in the back issue section. Bottom line, chicken and rice doesn't cut it.

Overfeeding is the name of the game here. If you want to be brutally huge, you've got to eat brutally huge meals all day long. I'm talking about eating to the point where you are uncomfortable for most of your waking hours. I'm talking about eating to the point where just when you finish one meal, it seems like it's time for another. Obviously this doesn't work for natural athletes, they'll just get fat. But when you're injecting yourself with 3 g of gear a week, along with 6 iu's of growth and 30 iu's of insulin a day, the normal rules of eating are thrown out the window. Here, have a couple Big Macs while you're waiting to that weight gain shake to blend.

Christ, Was That You?
If you've spent any time at all around a good-sized bodybuilder, you're quickly going to realize that these guys have serious issues with gas. Unfortunately, the same dietary practices that allows us to pack on the muscle also causes the wildlife that inhibits our intestinal tracts to produce inordinate amounts of methane. As a result, most bodybuilders spend a significant amount of time trying to fart in public without getting caught.

Anytime you get a large group of bodybuilders together, you'd better have a good ventilation system. Any of you who've attended the expos at the Mr. Olympia or Arnold's Classic will know what I mean. If it wasn't for the massive difference in muscularity, you wouldn't know if you were at a bodybuilding show or an all day chili cook-off. You're constantly walking through man-sized fart bubbles of varying toxicity.

There's a certain pride that's associated with a good, sweaty, manly fart, the kind that can immediately clear a room. One of the important principals you'll need to master as your flatulence grows in direct correlation to your bodyweight is the subtle art of never being around to take the blame when the general public is hit with the goods. This requires some planning on your part, as you can't just rip one at the beginning of your drop-set on bench and hope no one is going to point the finger at you. You'll generally have plenty of warning as one of these monsters goes through its build up phase, and know when it's time to take appropriate action. You can employ several techniques here, but all involve moving to an area of the gym where you won't soon need to occupy for any reason and releasing your noxious payload. This can be done discretely in an unoccupied corner of the gym, although doing so wastes any of the farts knockout potential.

The best course of action allows you to ease your burden and remain blame-free, while allowing others to share in your fragrant emanations. My philosophy is that if God didn't want others to smell our farts, he wouldn't have made them stink, right? Once you feel that you're ready to release your cargo, saunter over to a crowded section of the gym. Maybe you're looking for that damn triceps handle, or maybe you're just making your way through the crowd to say hi to an old friend. Whatever your ruse may be, it's important that you release while on the move. Standing in one spot will make identifying you as the culprit a far easier task than if you release the gas piecemeal on your trek through the gym. Be sure you've thoroughly unloaded every bit of gas before you make your way back to your own workout area, as a really good fart has a tendency to follow you if given a chance. If done correctly, you'll escape detection and get to enjoy the fruits of your labors as you watch innocent gym members glare at each other as they quickly move to find fresh air.

Well, I'm wrapping this up folks. Quite frankly, I could probably write another 10 pages, but I'm breathing and sweating so bad I've got to take a break. Besides, my joints are killing me and it's time to eat. Hey, can someone crack a window and light a match in here for Christ's sake? If you liked this article, let me know, I'm sure I could crank out a few more installments if I get enough positive feedback
Magnus82, Ataraxia, BigBob and 8 others like this.


PASSION TRUMPS EVERYTHING-DAVE TATE
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#2)
AnaSCI VET
 
MattG's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 2,269
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: U.S.
06-08-2014, 11:52 AM

that was almost like a stand-up comedy routine.lol lots of funny truths in there


Use code "MattG" to get 5% off your next Synthetek order!

   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#3)
AnaSCI VET
 
srd1's Avatar
 
Online
Posts: 2,291
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: midwest usa
06-08-2014, 12:17 PM

This stuff is sooooo true....when I had some size one thing that sucked for me was trying to scratch areas of my back that by all rights I should have been able to but couldnt. Lol
chicken_hawk likes this.


Only God Can Judge Our Enemies, Im Just Here To Arrange The Meeting.
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#4)
AnaSCI VET
 
MattG's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 2,269
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: U.S.
06-08-2014, 12:37 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by srd1 View Post
This stuff is sooooo true....when I had some size one thing that sucked for me was trying to scratch areas of my back that by all rights I should have been able to but couldnt. Lol
Shit, even at my size I now have a hard time doing these things... Use a wooden spoon, works good for back scratching bro.lol I also get all these ran*** 1-2'' long hairs all over my back that I used to be able to pull out with tweezers, now I can only get a few on my shoulders. Wife has to yank em out for me now.lol


Use code "MattG" to get 5% off your next Synthetek order!

   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#5)
Registered User
 
humpthebobcat's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 585
Join Date: Dec 2013
06-08-2014, 12:41 PM

ya not to mention the hairloss, gyno, testicular atrophy and stretch marks...I think the most ironic thing is what it does to your testes, making you less virile when you are trying to look more virile...it's all pretty much what made me decide to quit for the time being, until I am married and have kids...then it's hello trt...I'm trying to get into medical school or P.A. school right now so I can open/run a clinic
chicken_hawk likes this.

Last edited by humpthebobcat; 06-08-2014 at 12:45 PM.
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#6)
AnaSCI VET
 
Thunder46's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 1,593
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Shadow lands
06-08-2014, 02:54 PM

Good stuff
chicken_hawk likes this.
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#7)
Banned
 
Offline
Posts: 4,827
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Out in the boondocks
06-08-2014, 03:02 PM

Lol, I'll add tying my shoes. I hate tying my shoes.
vpiedu, feen, chicken_hawk and 3 others like this.
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#8)
AnaSCI VIP
 
chicken_hawk's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 1,634
Join Date: Feb 2013
06-08-2014, 04:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnus82 View Post
Lol, I'll add tying my shoes. I hate tying my shoes.
Funny you mention this as I constant tell my wife I am going to buy velcro shoes as I sit ans psyche myself up to do the deed LOL

Hawk
Magnus82, vpiedu, srd1 and 2 others like this.


PASSION TRUMPS EVERYTHING-DAVE TATE
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#9)
AnaSCI VET
 
Sandpig's Avatar
 
Online
Posts: 1,535
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: SIN CITY
06-08-2014, 06:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MattG View Post
that was almost like a stand-up comedy routine.lol lots of funny truths in there
That's exactly what I was thinking as I read it.

I should print that out and give it to some of the younger guys at my gym.
MattG likes this.
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#10)
Registered User
 
Offline
Posts: 293
Join Date: Dec 2012
06-08-2014, 07:49 PM

Dave Tate wrote a similar article to this a while back, it's pretty funny too
chicken_hawk likes this.
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#11)
AnaSCI VET
 
Online
Posts: 3,267
Join Date: Mar 2014
06-08-2014, 08:55 PM

Merrell makes great slip on shoes that look good
Small balls makes your unit look bigger
That was a great ass article
chicken_hawk likes this.
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#12)
Registered User
 
zman12's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 531
Join Date: Jan 2013
06-08-2014, 10:23 PM

This is a good article.
chicken_hawk likes this.
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#13)
AnaSCI VIP
 
chicken_hawk's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 1,634
Join Date: Feb 2013
06-08-2014, 10:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by robertscott View Post
Dave Tate wrote a similar article to this a while back, it's pretty funny too
Post it up!

Hawk
GastrocGuy likes this.


PASSION TRUMPS EVERYTHING-DAVE TATE
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#14)
AnaSCI VIP / Donating Member
 
vpiedu's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 711
Join Date: Oct 2012
06-09-2014, 05:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by chicken_hawk View Post
Funny you mention this as I constant tell my wife I am going to buy velcro shoes as I sit ans psyche myself up to do the deed LOL

Hawk
i rock the old slip-on Vans

VP
Ironbuilt and chicken_hawk like this.


Age: 50
Height: 6'
Weight 270
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#15)
Banned
 
Offline
Posts: 5,267
Join Date: Jun 2013
06-09-2014, 07:23 PM

Awesome brother great read ch
chicken_hawk likes this.
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#16)
AnaSCI MEMBER
 
GastrocGuy's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 134
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Durrty South
06-09-2014, 09:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by chicken_hawk View Post
Post it up!

Hawk
I've got a quote by Dave Tate on my siggy on another board. The guy keeps it real.

"My old routine was McDonald's on the way to the gym, coffee during my workout, Burger King & Copenhagen post-workout. -Dave Tate"
chicken_hawk and Phoe2006 like this.
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#17)
AnaSCI VET
 
d2r2ddd's Avatar
 
Online
Posts: 2,560
Join Date: Apr 2013
06-09-2014, 11:04 PM

very good read !! thanks for sharing CH!!
chicken_hawk likes this.
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#18)
AnaSCI MEMBER
 
Offline
Posts: 20
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: the edge of the boondocks mountains S.E. US
06-12-2014, 03:10 PM

damn I laughed my ass off!
chicken_hawk likes this.
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#19)
Registered User
 
Offline
Posts: 293
Join Date: Dec 2012
06-12-2014, 07:09 PM

27 Reasons to Be Big

1. I like having to think, "Is this really worth getting up for?" before doing anything.

2. I like having to roll off the bench press instead of sitting up.

3. I like the feeling of having my head filling with pressure, turning bright red and not being able to breathe. And this is just from tying my shoes. I find it best to take a big breath of air, drop as fast as I can and speed tie. I can usually get the job done in four to five reps.

4. I like the feeling of my belly on my upper thighs when I take a dump. Sometimes I even try to sit back further, fill my belly with air and blast away like I would a big squat.

5. I like feeling hot and sweaty when sitting in an air conditioned room with my shirt off and a fan blowing on me. This is how I spend most days at work!

6. I like taking an extra few minutes in my car to catch my breath from walking across the parking lot.

7. I like having to put my belt through my belt loops before I put on my pants. I remember how mad my friend Jim was one time at the airport when he was asked to remove his belt before going through the metal detector. He knew he had two choices. He could either go the rest of the day without his belt, or head to the restroom to take his pants back off and re-loop the belt. He waited until the next time he had to take a dump as it would just be too much of a pain to remove his pants for no reason.

8. I like waking up in the middle of the night with my hands numb. Gives me a chance to eat more food.

9. I like being asked things like:

"Do you lift weights?"

No, I look this way for no other reason.

"Are you a wrestler?"

Yeah, like I have the mobility to jump off the top rope!

10. I like the time I have to spend in business meetings trying to overcome the meathead image all the fat, out-of-shape business executives have of me.

11. I like the feeling I have of needing to take a shit all day long.

12. I like the lower back workout I get from walking across the room.

13. Cell phones are also a treat when you're big. You're sure to cut all conversations very short because you know your arm will get tired within the first two minutes. This is where the headsets are great, but these Shrek-like fingers make it hard to get the damn plug in the phone.

14. On that same note, I like having to retype just about every third word because my damn fingers keep hitting the wrong keys.

15. I like buying a new recliner every year because they all break down.

16. I like the feeling of jeans either smashing my nuts or falling off my ass.

17. I like coming up with excuses to avoid places like the zoo, amusement parks, fairs or any other place that involves a shitload of walking in hot weather. Yeah, let's all go to Disney World!

18. I love speed squat workouts where the only thing that's moving fast is my heart rate.

19. I love leaving work and finding that when I get to my car I forgot something and realize it isn't worth the 20 yards to walk back and get it. The only exception to this rule is when I forget my car keys and then have to stand there pissed at myself for a half hour before I walk back in and get them. I usually try using my cell phone to call in and have someone bring them out to me.

20. I love swimming and finding myself in the deep end where I can’t touch.

21. I always like it when I'm the passenger in a compact car. First you have a hell of a time getting into the car as it feels like you're doing a one-leg squat down to a shoe box. Then when you reach your destination you find you're curbside parked. You go to open the door and you hear the oh-so-familiar scratch of the car door on the curb. This sound runs down your spine like fingernails on a chalkboard.

You then look out the door and see that you're required to do the deepest one-leg squat in history to get out. The only way you'll be able to do this is to arch your back and press your feet into the floor as hard as you can to begin to lift yourself up in the seat as you would on a hack squat machine. If done correctly, you can gain up to six inches before you take the side lunge from hell to get out.

Once you're in the proper position you should be able to take the leap of faith to get out. If this wasn't bad enough, you always know that it's not over after the first step. You know there's a very good chance you'll end up losing your balance as you get out and end up taking a few awkward backward steps once you clear the door. The worst thing of all is knowing once you get out you'll have to find a way to get back in.

22. I love feeling like I'm getting more jacked and ripped at the same time, yet every picture I see of myself shows a fat bloated pig. I guess it's true that a picture can add two rolls and twenty pounds of fat. Okay, thirty.

23. I like knowing that when I go to take a dump I have a very good chance of getting a lat cramp when I go to wipe. This will always lead to the "quick" wipe and a dirty ass.

Jim has always suggested the use of baby wipes to finish the job, but let’s face it, do you really want to risk the lat cramp again? I'd much rather hit the shower to finish the job. Hint: You'll need to get one of those detachable showerheads so you can get the direct line of fire.

If all else fails, you can ask your sweetheart to help finish the job. To do this you need to lie on your back and lift your legs up and back as far as you can. This will give her a perfect view to get the job done.

Okay, I know I crossed the line with that one, but I do know of at least three lifters who take care of hygiene this way. They call this "assuming the position."

24. I love having to have someone else button my top shirt button and put my tie on because I can't reach it.

25. I also like going out to eat and finding I'm in a restaurant that has two choices: 1) the booth you have to squeeze your ass into, knowing that your belly will be smashed the entire meal and 2) those tall tables with the extra high barstools. Not able to lean back and set your feet on the floor is counterproductive to one of the most important activities of getting big—eating. I suggest leaving and finding somewhere else to eat.

26. I like all the crazy sexual positions I can conform to.

27. Going to the airport provides several great reasons why you should all strive to get big. First up, you have to get all your crap out of the car and to the check-in. In my case I'm usually looking at a duffle bag of clothes for the weekend trip. You also need a bigger bag because all your crap is size XXX, plus you need a few extra shirts as you're bound to sweat through most of them and will need to change often.

I also have my briefcase with laptop, planner and all the other crap I need while away. In the case of a seminar, I also have a roller case with my LCD projector. Lastly, if I need to train while away I'll need my training bag with all the gear I'll need. (I don’t even want to get into the bags needed for a powerlifting meet.)

So I'm faced with how to get four bags to the check-in terminal. Yes, you can get a roller cart, but this will require walking to the terminal to get the thing, then walking back, loading up and walking to the terminal again. This is way too many trips for a big guy to take.

If you're lucky, you'll make it to the terminal with only four or five drops. If you're following me here you know what happens when one bag falls off your shoulder. You try to recover and the next thing you know all your bags are on the floor. It takes several attempts to get all the bags back up and on your way.

Let me tell you this before I go on: don't try and kick a few bags as you go. This may seem like good idea but a travel bag doesn't kick as smoothly as you think it would, and it'll take much more energy kicking the bags than it would hiking them back on your shoulders.

Okay, so you make it to the check-in terminal. You take your place in line and set your crap down. This is when the "bag kick" comes in handy. You don't want to have to pick up your bags every five minutes when the line moves up.

At this point you'll be starving from all the work you had to do to get here and you can see the fast food places around the corner. As each person moves up you get more and more hungry to the point that your hunger turns into "stupid people aggression." Most of you will know what I mean with this.

You're in line and what should take a max of five to ten seconds to do, takes some of these morons ten minutes. All you can think of doing is kicking the asshole in front of you in the back as he fumbles for his ID that he should've had out ten minutes ago. Hell, I've been holding mine in my mouth for the last half hour to the point that the ends are now all chewed up.

You finally make it to the metal detector. We already discussed the belt issue, but it's important to point out that you should never wear laced shoes as you'll have to take them off, and we all know how hard they are to get back on.

Since you're big and jacked you don't have to worry about taking anything out of your pockets because if you had something in there, there's no way you'd ever get it out anyhow. This is also why big guys will always tip all the change they receive into the tip jar, because let's face it, where are you going to put it? In your front pocket? Yeah right! And how will you get it out? The only way you'd ever see the change again is when you take your pants off later that day. At this point it'll fall on the floor and you'll have to call in your kids to have them pick it up for you.

So you kick your shoes off and think you'll fly past the metal detector archway. This is true as long as you don't bump the sides. Since you're huge, your shoulders are bound to hit, plus you have a shaved head and goatee and are automatically targeted as a threat. So you find yourself being directed to the two big footprints on the floor and told to stand here. Then they ask you to raise your arms and will always ask you if you work out. This is no time for small talk as your shoulders are messed up from your last squat session and it's killing you to hold your arms up.

Finally, you get a chance to drop a few hundred bucks on a handful of eats that should hold you over for the trip. Now is your time to take a seat and recover from the demanding trip so far. This is a great time to checkout all the normal folks to remind yourself how great it is to be huge.

You realize very fast that you're ten times bigger than you thought you were as it seems everyone in this country is fat and out of shape. On any given day you'll be lucky to see one or two people who look like they've set foot in a weight room. The goal here is to not get too close to anyone as you don't want to catch the Geek Virus.

Soon you'll be boarding the plane. It's best to wait until last to get on. Why rush to just go sit again and have to get up if someone else comes? If you've planned your trip well you know you should have an isle seat so it doesn't matter when you get on. So relax and enjoy watching everyone else rush to the plane.

Now, you know the seat will be a tight fit and you'll have your balls crushed for the next hour or so. Find your seat but keep on the lookout for any seats that may be open with an empty seat next to them. Since you should be the last one on the plane, dive into whatever looks like the best place to be. This is your right because you are huge.


As you can see, being big is a great thing. If I can’t convince you in 3000 words then there's just no hope for you.
BigBob and Phoe2006 like this.
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#20)
Registered User
 
Offline
Posts: 293
Join Date: Dec 2012
06-12-2014, 07:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by chicken_hawk View Post
Post it up!

Hawk
ask and ye shall receive
   
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:51 AM.



Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright © 2003-2019 AnaSCI.org. All rights reserved.