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Need help with my thriller screenplay
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chicken_hawk
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Post Need help with my thriller screenplay - 02-23-2016, 10:22 PM

So, I am not actually writing a screenplay but have what I think is an idea for a good thriller/horror type film. And while it's just a concept I would like to ask your help helping me fill in the details. Why? Why not? I would just soon go through life thinking of one more thing I could have done.

Here goes, there is a single mom who just breaks up with her shitty husband who physically abuses her and her two girls so she moves to a house in the country to get away. Now, this house has a secret a frightful secret that you dont find out to the very end. The struggling mom and children are then haunted (really ghosts trying to communicate) once in the house. This goes on and the young family is tormented but never harmed while they try to figure out what is going on (the bulk of the story). Then when things can't get any worse the abusive husband arrives and chases the entire family around in an attempt to kill them in a drunken stuper.

Then after the chasing some tense escapes the father corners the mother and beats her pretty good and right before he delivers the death blow she is somehow saved by the spirits who live in the house. As it turns out the ghosts had suffered a similar fate and were trying to communicate and not harass the family.

Anyway, it's all up for grabs...add subtract...insert new info whatever...have fun and lmk if its been done before.

Hawk


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Magnus82
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02-23-2016, 11:22 PM

Before he delivers the final blow, a large shadowy apparition of a beaten woman appears between him and his wife. Her face is hideous, partial face, partial skull, showing clear signs of the hell she experienced here on earth. She grabs him by the throat, both in suspension as they float towards the cellar door no one in the home dare entered. Through blurry eyes, he finds himself alone chained toa wooden blood stained wall where so many others had seen their fate. A grainy film starts playing on the adjacent wall. A flashback of various families that lived in the home, as well as his own. Children playing and laughing, all having a good time. Then it film turns dark, revealing the horrors the house has kept secret. Turns out, the home was his as a child, and he was forced to relive the tortures he and the rest of his family endured as his demonic father was rearing him to do the same. Now many tortured apportions start coming through the screen one after another beating and torturing him, the way he did for so many years. One all are appeared, the back wall opens up to the gates of hell. The wife enters, now with a new found power and pushes him and the wooden wall to their abolishment. As he falls in all the ghosts and demons follow. In a flash of fire, the wall closes and her nightmare is over. So long mother fucker!
   
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squatster
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02-23-2016, 11:29 PM

Shit guys - now I can't go out side to my truck for my tools - that butch is going to be out there waiting for me
I hate horror movies
   
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Magnus82
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02-24-2016, 12:01 AM

My 8,10, and 13 year olds love horror movies. They're not scared of anything. I remember watching Jaws, Piranha, Poltergeist.... as a kid and being terrified. My kids watch Saw and laugh and tell me "that's all you got"? Wished I was like that as a kid


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Shit guys - now I can't go out side to my truck for my tools - that butch is going to be out there waiting for me
I hate horror movies
   
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Sully
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02-24-2016, 03:39 AM

That story does sound somewhat familiar. In all fairness, it's incredibly difficult to come up with a movie idea that hasn't already been done in one fashion or another. I'll search around tomorrow and see if I can come up with what I've seen that reminds me of that. Good luck with the idea though.


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BigBob
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02-24-2016, 01:42 PM

You guys are twisted.
   
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ASHOP
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Thumbs up 02-24-2016, 06:13 PM

Sounds like an amazing concept for a movie. I know that I would watch it.
   
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02-24-2016, 07:42 PM

I'm thinking you've all got to much time on your hands, but I'd watch it! Lol!

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chicken_hawk
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02-24-2016, 07:57 PM

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Originally Posted by Lil' Sully View Post
That story does sound somewhat familiar. In all fairness, it's incredibly difficult to come up with a movie idea that hasn't already been done in one fashion or another. I'll search around tomorrow and see if I can come up with what I've seen that reminds me of that. Good luck with the idea though.
Well there is nothing new under the sun and I know there have been good "ghosts", but I think this has a bit of originality to it.

Lmk what you find,
Hawk


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chicken_hawk
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02-24-2016, 08:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnus82 View Post
Before he delivers the final blow, a large shadowy apparition of a beaten woman appears between him and his wife. Her face is hideous, partial face, partial skull, showing clear signs of the hell she experienced here on earth. She grabs him by the throat, both in suspension as they float towards the cellar door no one in the home dare entered. Through blurry eyes, he finds himself alone chained toa wooden blood stained wall where so many others had seen their fate. A grainy film starts playing on the adjacent wall. A flashback of various families that lived in the home, as well as his own. Children playing and laughing, all having a good time. Then it film turns dark, revealing the horrors the house has kept secret. Turns out, the home was his as a child, and he was forced to relive the tortures he and the rest of his family endured as his demonic father was rearing him to do the same. Now many tortured apportions start coming through the screen one after another beating and torturing him, the way he did for so many years. One all are appeared, the back wall opens up to the gates of hell. The wife enters, now with a new found power and pushes him and the wooden wall to their abolishment. As he falls in all the ghosts and demons follow. In a flash of fire, the wall closes and her nightmare is over. So long mother fucker!
Ha ha, that's the perfect ending! Great imagination and thanks man.
I am going to add it to the screenplay. If I were to ever add to it I would cut in.

Hawk


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02-24-2016, 08:06 PM

That's good shit guys

Not only did I enjoy reading it, I gotta say, y'all got some good creativity working. Something I've always lacked lol.
   
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02-24-2016, 08:41 PM

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Originally Posted by chicken_hawk View Post
Ha ha, that's the perfect ending! Great imagination and thanks man.
I am going to add it to the screenplay. If I were to ever add to it I would cut in.

Hawk


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I could see you in the fire beyond the doors with your arms sweeping upwards welcoming the scum fuck in. You'd make a great ominous figure, the gate keeper!
   
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AR-15
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02-25-2016, 05:40 PM

Hawk I hate to be the bad guy here but there have been a few flicks that are really similiar. Dont know the names but I know Ive seen them. Dont quite though cause who really cares. There are a ton of movies/books that are similiar. As long as its not exactly the same and you have a differant title your gtg. And with all these other fucked up guys giving you differant fucked up ideas it should end up being a pretty fucked up story. Fucking perfect if you ask me. Just whatever you do dont have one of those ending that leave us hanging there going well wtf? Nothing worse than spending two hours watching a cool action movie or series and then poof the fucking thing just stops. Kinda like the Soprano's. That ending really pissed me off.Good luck though. And dont forget us little people if you become a millionaire....AR....
   
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02-25-2016, 09:47 PM

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Originally Posted by AR-15 View Post
Hawk I hate to be the bad guy here but there have been a few flicks that are really similiar. Dont know the names but I know Ive seen them. Dont quite though cause who really cares. There are a ton of movies/books that are similiar. As long as its not exactly the same and you have a differant title your gtg. And with all these other fucked up guys giving you differant fucked up ideas it should end up being a pretty fucked up story. Fucking perfect if you ask me. Just whatever you do dont have one of those ending that leave us hanging there going well wtf? Nothing worse than spending two hours watching a cool action movie or series and then poof the fucking thing just stops. Kinda like the Soprano's. That ending really pissed me off.Good luck though. And dont forget us little people if you become a millionaire....AR....

Thanks man and rememer this is all for fun...I was just sharinf like dudes on a job sight who ran out of shit to talk about so you make shit up. This is all for fun.

However, somewhere along the line movie makers decided that it would be original to let the bad guy win. The first few were cool think Skelaton Key but, now it is cliche and dissapointing...think Drag me to Hell. Two decent movies with lazyish ending cuz they couldnt figure out how to swerve the ending. This makes good movies end up being dissapointing.

Hawk


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chicken_hawk
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02-25-2016, 09:53 PM

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I could see you in the fire beyond the doors with your arms sweeping upwards welcoming the scum fuck in. You'd make a great ominous figure, the gate keeper!
Ha ha I never see myself this way but other people often do. At my last meet I was wearing my biker boots Rowdy Piper shirt and Cowboy hat. I was taking a leak when this hoss of the 220s (totalled 1800) says he liked my shirt and was a rasslin fan. He then went on to tell me how intimidating he thought I was...he found out other wise lol.

Hawk


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02-25-2016, 10:38 PM

I hear ya on the fun part brother. I didnt take it any other way. If ya cant have fun and fuck around with stupid bullshit then your probably a miserable asshole who needs knocked the fuck out. NOT YOU!!!! But I work with a bunch of guys that just refuse to have light hearted fun conversations so keep it coming brother. This place makes my day when I get home from work.Pretty pathetic I know.lol....AR....
   
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