©ALL CONTENT OF THIS WEBSITE IS COPYRIGHTED AND CANNOT BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE ADMINISTRATORS CONSENT 2003-2020



Dealing with postpartum gf

Tank82

New member
Oct 18, 2016
5
0
0
Ever since our daughter was born (4 weeks ago) my gf has had the worst attitude and mood swings ever. She snaps at me for literally no reason that I've given her. Threatens to keep my daughter from me. Calls me every name in the book. And started smoking, which I can't stand. I'm at a point of which biting my tongue is becoming tiresome. I'm sick of being disrespected and feeling like I'm a doormat. I'm emotionally drained and my fear is I'm emotionally out of the relationship. I find myself teying to be civil with her just so that I can be around my daughte. I've spent many nights thinking about this and I just don't care to be in the relationship anymore. I do want to be there for my daughter. Not really sure what to do at this point. I'm worried if I take her to court then I'll see my daughter even less. Maybe it's worth putting up with her just to be in my daughters life.
 

lycan Venom

AnaSCI VET / Donating Member
Nov 22, 2013
1,963
7
38
Well consider the relationship prior to her getting pregnant. Is it something worth salvaging? Is it just postpartum depression or is resentment or other issues? Considered relationship therapy or having her evaluated by a sphyc? If it's something you both didnt want prior to her getting knocked up, dont stay for the kid. You can be a dad still and guarantee when she gets old enough she will realize who the better parent was or is. Sounds more like its problems between you two than her hormones and her having baby blues. Trust me, i would know after being married 12 years practically and having 4 kids every 2-3 years.

Take some time away. Try to write down all your thoughts and emotions. Then try to think from her perspective. Is there something you can do to change yourself that will have a positive effect on the relationship and her. Real honest communication is key, then trust and then lust. If you dont have all 3 than bye felicia because no matter what one of the 2 wont be 100% committed.

Try therapy alone or together and then decide.
 

Tank82

New member
Oct 18, 2016
5
0
0
We had issues prior to the baby. She is a very controlling person. Now she has a child to use as a pawn and make me jump through her hoops to get what she wants because she knows that I worship the ground my daughter walks on. I'm willing to seek therapy but she refuses.
 

lycan Venom

AnaSCI VET / Donating Member
Nov 22, 2013
1,963
7
38
Well, just consider what i said above. No one can tell you what to do. You already know what you want and just need/want reassurance you are making the right choice. No one can say what is right, except for you. Take time away, and really consider all options, then make a decision you can live with. What matters is your happines and if you are happy you will do good and it will provide a better environment for your child. I say, find therapy for yourself and take it from there. Good luck bro.
 

srd1

AnaSCI VET / Donating Member
Feb 19, 2013
2,311
0
36
midwest usa
Don't stay in the relationship just for the kids man I've been there done that won't be anything but misery......go to court get joint custody......then there won't be any jumping thru hoops and you wont have to put up with the disrespect and being treated like shit whatever the court says is what she will have to do to the letter. Personally I feel like a bad relationship is worse and harder on the kids than 2 people co-parenting. Just my 2 cents from experience. Hope it works out for ya brother.
 

Tank82

New member
Oct 18, 2016
5
0
0
Srd1, how do you know I'll get joint custody? Isn't that something that's hard to get the judge to approve?
 
Last edited:

srd1

AnaSCI VET / Donating Member
Feb 19, 2013
2,311
0
36
midwest usa
Anymore these days as long as your in the same area and it won't cause a hardship on the kids an she can't prove you unfit judges award joint all the time brother. Courts these days are all about the kids and most judges the days see co-parenting and equal time with both parents benificial to the child.
 

lycan Venom

AnaSCI VET / Donating Member
Nov 22, 2013
1,963
7
38
As a paralegal, you have just as much right as her to be a parent. If you make more money and provide a better environment for the kids and offer more than she can as a parent, then you have more sway. Spend money on a good attorney and try to make friemds with a legal secretary or paralegal that works in family law. It is all a game of persuasion in court. Just make a better argument than her. Document everything. Get some police reports about her hitting you or dr. Evaluations about her mind state and depression. Guarantee you get joint if not full because she is unpredictable and can cause harm to herself or the baby.... not legal advice... just a crazy opinion ;D
 

srd1

AnaSCI VET / Donating Member
Feb 19, 2013
2,311
0
36
midwest usa
Im not an attorney brother and I would suggest you talk to one before making any decisions but I got joint custody of my boys even though my ex fought me on it.....then eventually got full custody after she decided pills were more important than the kids. Have lots of friends that got joint custody also.
 

Sully

AnaSCI VET / Donating Member
Dec 3, 2012
3,324
0
36
It he's as bad as you say, it never hurts to turn your phone on and audio record one of your arguements. Provided you live in a state where those types of recordings are admissable, it can go a long way toward proving your side of the story in court. Don't be obvious about it, just open up the voice recorder app on your phone and set it on the table. Just don't forget that you're recording yourself as well.
 

srd1

AnaSCI VET / Donating Member
Feb 19, 2013
2,311
0
36
midwest usa
It he's as bad as you say, it never hurts to turn your phone on and audio record one of your arguements. Provided you live in a state where those types of recordings are admissable, it can go a long way toward proving your side of the story in court. Don't be obvious about it, just open up the voice recorder app on your phone and set it on the table. Just don't forget that you're recording yourself as well.

Video it then your good to go either way.
 

Sully

AnaSCI VET / Donating Member
Dec 3, 2012
3,324
0
36
Video it then your good to go either way.

Video is nice, but it can be difficult to record video without them knowing that you're doing it. Audio can be recorded discreetly, without the other party knowing they're being recorded. When they realize you're trying to shoot video of them, things usually escalate in a bad way. Sometimes it's best to avoid that situation entirely. Especially when she's crazy and there are kids in the house.
 

Tank82

New member
Oct 18, 2016
5
0
0
I've recorded her with audio talking about selling pills. I've taken pictures of her house that she rarely cleans. Everytime I'm there there is beer spilled ok the carpet and no attempt to clean it, food in the sink, trash can in the bathroom is overflowing with tampons and toilet paper. Cigarette butts thrown all in the yard and garage. It's ridiculous.

What's going to be difficult for me in terms of joint custody is my work schedule constantly changes. When I'm on certain hours I will not have access to a babysitter and would be forced to leave her at her mom's house. I'm guessing a judge would want her in my custody during my time with her and not dropping her off with her mom. I'm not too sure. I'm going to speak to a lawyer and see what they have to say
 
Last edited:

lycan Venom

AnaSCI VET / Donating Member
Nov 22, 2013
1,963
7
38
Dude, call child protective custody and the local law enforcement on her for child endangerment. That is a legitimate cause and if bad enough, the ones on scene will give you possession of your child on the spot while she gets locked up and goes through the system. Good luck.
 

Sully

AnaSCI VET / Donating Member
Dec 3, 2012
3,324
0
36
I've recorded her with audio talking about selling pills. I've taken pictures of her house that she rarely cleans. Everytime I'm there there is beer spilled ok the carpet and no attempt to clean it, food in the sink, trash can in the bathroom is overflowing with tampons and toilet paper. Cigarette butts thrown all in the yard and garage. It's ridiculous.

What's going to be difficult for me in terms of joint custody is my work schedule constantly changes. When I'm on certain hours I will not have access to a babysitter and would be forced to leave her at her mom's house. I'm guessing a judge would want her in my custody during my time with her and not dropping her off with her mom. I'm not too sure. I'm going to speak to a lawyer and see what they have to say

Yeah, what you're describing now and what you described in your first post are 2 completely different scenarios. Initially you made it sound like she was battling with post partum depression. But now, you're describing her as a trashy, drug dealing, neglectful skank. Those are 2 completely different scenarios. You need to decide what the reality of the situation is, make a decision that's in the best interests of your new born child, and take decisive action that's in line with that decision.

All the stuff about your job and scheduling, etc, is just excuses at this point. That kid is your child too, and it's your job as her parent to protect her from harm. Even if that harm might come from her mother. If it's truly as bad as you made it sound, then it's your fault if it continues, because the responsibility is on you to report it in order to ensure the welfare of your child. Sack the fuck up, and do the right thing to protect your child.
 

ASHOP

AnaSCI VET
Aug 28, 2005
4,435
0
36
ashop.in
Ever since our daughter was born (4 weeks ago) my gf has had the worst attitude and mood swings ever. She snaps at me for literally no reason that I've given her. Threatens to keep my daughter from me. Calls me every name in the book. And started smoking, which I can't stand. I'm at a point of which biting my tongue is becoming tiresome. I'm sick of being disrespected and feeling like I'm a doormat. I'm emotionally drained and my fear is I'm emotionally out of the relationship. I find myself teying to be civil with her just so that I can be around my daughte. I've spent many nights thinking about this and I just don't care to be in the relationship anymore. I do want to be there for my daughter. Not really sure what to do at this point. I'm worried if I take her to court then I'll see my daughter even less. Maybe it's worth putting up with her just to be in my daughters life.

Maybe you should try getting her some help and then possibly some counseling for you both.