Workout buddy shares serious info

[Nitrateman]

I've done this before on the board, so will do it again:
Tonight while goofing around with a friend at the gymn I said that I wasn't much of a fighter but was dangerous cause I'm not afraid to die.
Conversation was frozen for a minute then he said, what if you wanted to die.
I asked him if he was joking. He said no, that he had taken pills before, then went on to say that he thinks about it, committing suicide I guess, every day.
I asked him if he was on anti-depressants and he said no, that he doesn't believe in that kinda shit.
I told him that the gymn was not the place to continue this conversation and gave him my email address...Honestly did not know what to say. This guy has it all going for him, or so I thought.

Any comments. Anyone out there had some firsthand info about dealing with a potential suicide. He obviously told me cause he trusts me, and he felt safe. And now I feel a heavy obligation to make sure he stays ok .

Again any comments

Nitrateman

 

[ronnier38930]

Dude.... That's a tough one. several years back one of my best friends killed himself right after I talked to him. I knew he was upset so I made plans to hang out with him the upcomming weekend and tried to highten his spirits but about 7am the next morning I got a call and was told he shot himself about 30 minutes after talking to me right in front of his roomate.

Talk to him and show him that life is just to damn short to kill yourself. I don't know how well you know him but take the time to talk to him and see what's up. I think back all the time about the "what If's ", or "I should have done this or that" I miss my friend dude, and I whis I could have done more because maybe he would still be around.

Is he just ending a cycle or something ??

 

[Nitrateman]

No but I am, and the sympathetic gene is rearing its head. I'm normally a very good listener anyway and am pretty fast mentally but this kinda floored me.

Also something in the back of my head keeps whispering if he wanted to do it, he wouldn't be here...kinda like your friend. I don't mean to be unsympathetic but am wondering if he is into the attention or the drama. Then I come back to the fact that I've known him for 7 or 8 months and this is the first that I have heard of it. Doubt that I will sleep much tonight.

Oh, almost forgot. Sorry for your loss. It must be really really hard.

Nitrateman

 

[ORACLE]

When my wife got back from Iraq she spoke of death and dying alot. She said that she sees herself in her dreams as looking at our family from the outside in. Some people have seen things that make them either comfortable with the notion of dying or are just concerned of "if" and "when" it will happen. I've taken it into consideration with her because we've been married for almost 9 years and she's never spoken like this in the past.

 

[DecaDude]

Sometimes when you're driving thru a storm you think it will never end and goes on forever. But it is short lived and there is sunshine a few miles ahead.

depression can be a culmination of several longterm events that are not easily treated with medicinal short term treatement.

Seek the advice of a professional. Do something.
Good luck Bro.

 

[Captain Canuck]

I feel for you man!!

Try to get him to talk about the good points in life. Hope you help him out!!

Good luck Nitrateman

 

[MaSTa LifTa]

Those are always bad situations to be in. Just do your best and that's all anyone can ask of you man...

 

[MR .T]

Wow being prone to depression myself I would say that I would try to get him to focus on the good things. I find that going to the gym and seeing an improvment in myself and my abilities is a major mood booster. Is there snow where your from? maybe he has SAD Seasonal Affective Disorder like me. If his is realy bad they make special lights that you sit infront of for 1/2 hr a day it is supposed to work wonders.

 

[Andrew]

Nitrateman,

I wish I had some hopeful words for you but I'm of the mind that there is little anyone can do to stop somebody who wants to die. I have felt that way before and I had had years of counseling that didn't really bring me any closer to a love of living. I think the fact that he shared it with you shows he considers you a friend. My advice is that you make it super clear to him that you are available to help him at any time if he needs you and if he needs you when its not convenient you should try not to let him feel like he is a burden on you.

In the end I found that being physically healthy and strong was my BEST DEFENSE against depression. Even having children and a loving spouse may not be enough to stop a person who is seriously depressed. Seriously depressed people ask themselves, "Why would I want to live another day?"

Also, there is the possibility that he is trying to provoke you to get attention. There are some people who like to go to the brink just to scare their friends or loved ones. But unless he demonstrates that is his style you should take him seriously.

 

[kell11]

I would have to be in your shoes,nitrate.
But the one thing I would have to say to him is this,verbatim.
"Jack,I gotta ask you something because I been thinking about it ever since and I give a shit and I care.When we were speaking the other day,WHY did you refer to WANTING TO DIE? Why'd you say that to me?"He might ask why?because you give a shit.
He might try and dodge it.But...
You can't do or say anything until he answers that question...
And of course you or none of us might know what to say without that answer.
He trusted you enough to say it,he may elaborate...ASK HIM WHY!

 

[MR .T]

I agree with Kell If he brought it up he probably has more to say.

 

[MaSTa LifTa]

Even having children and a loving spouse may not be enough to stop a person who is seriously depressed.

Actually, married people commit suicide more than single people.

 

[Zaven]

bro....take this shit very seriously, when people like your friend and myself say that we think about committing suicide....we truly mean it. Fortunatelly I never plan on killing myself because I never want to put my friends and family thru that. I'm not that sell-fish, but I have been fighting the thoughts of suicide. I found a fucked up way to deal with depression thru another form...."cutting". I'm what's known as a "cutter". I actually just spent a week in a fucking psych ward due to this. Ironically it was the worst and best time of my life......So take it from me bro...due what ever you can to help your fried. Especially if you care! If you would like you can pm me and I'll even talk to this guy if need be. I'm actually lucky to be here right now thank god. A bloody t-shirt, handful of razorblades and about 400 staples later...

 

[Nitrateman]

My shoulders feel heavy tonight from all that has been said, thought and written.
First let me say that I saw my friend tonight at the gymn, but he was in one of his withdrawn states, that I always took to be cool before. I confronted him later in the evening and he brushed it all off, meaning, I guess, that tonight was not the night he wanted to talk about it more. Fine, I was going to do pretty much what Andrew wrote, that is, be there for him when he is ready to talk, and let him know that I care. Maybe he already senses that, as he went out of his way to say good night when he left the gymn.
A word about my friend: He is late thirties single, good looking, very good bod, works on it as though he is seeking perfection at every corner. 5.9, 157 pounds, body is always shaved and he has a tanning bed in his apartment...lives alone. Talks about wanting to move to California where he will have his nose, jawline, and face completely redone. It's as though he can't see the truth in what the mirror shows, kind of like an anorexic teenaged girl. Perhaps his pursuit of the perfect body is part of his depression, but an approach from the obsessive compulsive side.
This guy is very metro, loves the mirror and very very straight.
Not sure why I am telling you all this, but at least you have a better picture of him.

Nitrateman

 

[Nitrateman]

This message is for you Zaven.
For whatever cockammaymee reasons, we have come to this board in pursuit of information, counsel and of course good old aas. But those of us who have stayed, have found the environment here to be friendly, supportive and above all honest and forthright. In essence we have become a family of sort, rag tag it may be, but hell what do you expect of bodybuilders. LOL
We have agonized with members wanting to get pregnant, we have followed the joys of adoptions, cursed at two timing partners, argued over gay marriage, worried over friends and family in the military...but we are all still here because there is a bond. A caring bond. There is some trust and a lot of honesty.

Zaven, there are probably a dozen bros on this board who would be willing to talk to you or pm you or whatever it takes to share your pain with you the next time you consider cutting yourself. Pm me, I'll give you my phone number. Don't be afraid to use us.
The bb lifestyle is about getting healthy or healthier. The whole enchilada, not just the pecs and bis.

Best regards

Nitrateman

 

[DecaDude]

I don't blame married men for wanting to die. The quote was "someone you love" not someone you married.

I've been living with the same woman over 11 years, no marriage, lot's of love (I think)

 

[powermad]

Nitrateman,

The guy sounds like he may be bi-polar or have some other form of mental illness. Since I don't know him I cannot give much advice except this. You need to compliment/reassure him that he has a lot going for him and is very successful at what he does. Also, do everything in your power to get him to see a medical professional. If he is contemplating suicide he may be in a very depressive state right now. Most bi-polar people who are in depressive states contemplate depression but do not act on it as they lack the energy, the real danger comes when they enter a manic episode and that is when the suicide attempts are usually performed. The mention of wanting to move to California for plastic surgery reeks of hypermaniacal behavior, which is why I mentioned the bi-polar possibility (going through phases of being extremely driven to the point of physical perfection alternated with phases of being so depressed he contemplates suicide, etc.).

This is just my opinion and from my experience dealing with mentally ill individuals. Some of them are able to hide it very well clear up to the point that no one knows until they're dead. It worries me that this guy lives alone--does he have a girlfriend, does he have many "lifelines" (i.e. friends, family connections, etc.)? The more socially attached he is, the more "lifelines" he has, the less likely he is to harm himself.

I know i'm rambling, but I really feel for you as I've been in the same spot before. Its ultimately out of your hands but you can do a couple things to try and help him, like get him into treatment and start having him meed more people (esp women).

Again, the above is just my opinion and should'nt be taken as gospel--try to get him professional help if at all possible. Best wishes and good luck.

 

[Strongman]

Nitrateman...

Your friend opened himself up to you for a reason. He didn't have to say "what if you want to die" if he didn't want to share some greif with you. Sort of his calling for help (indirectly).

I have had a few friends who have commited suicide and honestly it's the small signals they give when they need help.

The fact is that many times people brush these off as everyday stresses and simple rants, but there are the few that need help.

Just like everyone else has said...>Be there for him....That is the best you can do....Be there for him...Listen...listen....listen....Many times people just want to be heard...Even if they are completely wrong...Just listening makes a big difference.

I hate to say this but sometimes you must carry someone elses burden. Especially for friends. Try to take some of that weight they feel on their shoulders.
Because sometimes if you don't carry the weight while they are alive you may have to carry it when it's too late.

Trust your heart and you will know the right thing to do.

Good luck and God Bless!!!

 

[squish]

Nitrate... I'm not even going to say I know what it's like to have a friend say something like that to me-- but I know what it's like to have friends with issues.

Hard trainers in the gym (as you describe your friend) can often times be trying to compensate for something. It may very well be whatever is driving your friend to be so obsessed with his physique is the same thing that drives him toward suicidal thoughts.

Really listen to what's on his mind. Also try and steer him toward medical help. Depression is REAL and it's not a crazy thing. It's a real disease that can be treated. Go with him to the doctor if you have to.

I have found that the guys who say they don't believe in "that kind of shit" (like anti depressants, doctors, discussing feelings, etc) are the ones who need it the most.

Good luck.

 

[DragonRider]

Hard trainers in the gym (as you describe your friend) can often times be trying to compensate for something. It may very well be whatever is driving your friend to be so obsessed with his physique is the same thing that drives him toward suicidal thoughts.
Good luck.

Amen. We are all trying to compensate for something.

Sometimes, I don't think there are any answers for this sort of thing.

At times in my life I have been there myself. I can honestly say there are no words to overcome this. The only thing that matters is results. An actual change in circumstances. Words are hollow and meaningless.

Unless HOPE turns into action or results, it is a waste of energy.