Gloves off, tell me I'm stupid with some advice

[thebull2012]

I'm trying to figure out what my malfunction is. I've scheduled an appointment with a therapist and going to see what the deal is.

Many of you know from a post (year or more ago) that I was having issues with a girlfriend and how she was treating me badly etc.

I ended up meeting someone else. She seemed nice, quiet and trustworthy. The initial problem I was worried about was the 8 year age difference. (I'm older).

Throughout the duration I noticed she seemed almost boring. We would speak but I always felt like I wasn't having a conversation with an adult but a child. she always seem very introverted, non interesting. It got to the point that I wasn't even happy to be around here because I felt that I didn't have an equal partner but more of a "raising a child" feeling.

Once the arguments begain, I noticed we had too different ways of handling them. My way was to talk about things. Her way was to let them fester, ignore me and stomp to the bedroom and stay there for hours. When I would approach her she wouldn't make eye contact with me and she would sit there and play with her hair while I spoke. She was obviously not interested in what I was saying and didn't seem to care much. To make things worse I found that if she were to do something or say something hurtful or detrimental to the relationship and I pointed out the fact that she did it, she would manage to turn the tables and blame me somehow. I found out through this that she didn't like to acknowledge that she did some ting or take responsibility for it. Eventually it got to the point that we moved out. It was discussed that we would take a break and work on things as individuals as see if there was a way to establish a relationship back. During this time period we talked about dating others and of course she was not in favor of it so I agreed.

A month into this separation I find that she's been seeing another guy. Now I can't hold her at fault bc technically we aren't together but my issue was the hiding. What's worse is its a guy I work with. Now I always find out that she's been in staying all night at his place. And even worse is she's been telling her coworkers negative things about me. You know, I'm the bad guy typical stuff. What's really degrading is during the separation I've given her money, paid her bills and helped her move move. Yet according to her I'm the shithead. It's like I'm her dirty secret yet when she talks about me to others nothing of the things I do for her is mentioned. I got no credit etc.

So at this point why can't I even say fuck it. Know my worth and walk away. Why can't I see that this was bad from the get go.

So what's the deal with me? This relationship was obviously toxic. I don't believe I was ever happy. So why is it when she treats me bad and walks, I all of a sudden want something to do with her. This isn't normal and it's a cat and mouse game.

Sorry this was so long but I'm looking for some brutal honesty and some direction.

 

[Phoe2006]

Best advice go take your aggression out on as much pussy as possible. Move on brother relationships are hard believe me I travel for work and that takes a huge toll on any relationship.

2 options sit there and dwell on it or go find someone closer to your own age that truly males you happy and supports your decisions no matter what they may be good or bad. Hopefully you'll be able to find someone that makes you want to be a better person like I did. Sometimes I still have the devilish side that tries to take over but I recently became a father of a beautiful baby girl and she makes me actually think before I act.

For those that knew me before knew I did t give a shit about nothing but making money, pumping iron and humping til I met my soulmate and had a child.

I believe heavily in karma and good things will come brother you just have to wait it out and keep fishing for the right woman.

More people will chime in but that's all I've got for right now. I've got a lot going on and don't have as much time to write everything out like I'd like. Working a 14+ hour day and had a short break

 

[lycan Venom]

we all want love, to love, to be loved and be in love.

stop searching, and find what makes you happy and grow as an individual. when you stop looking, it will come to you.

set your goals and standards higher than what they are, and don't lower them. hold women to a higher standard and I guarantee you'll find the right one, who has a career, her own house, nice car and a good education that had something to offer you in a dowry other than her body.

think of it as a business deal.

this should give you a good laugh.....


THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG'S LIST*

What am I doing wrong?*

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful)*25 year*old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from*New York.*I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.*

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?*

Here are my questions specifically:*

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics — bars, restaurants, gyms*

- What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings*

- Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?*

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?*

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?*

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY*

Please hold your insults — I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them — in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.*


THE ANSWER*

Dear Pers-431649184:*

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.*

Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.*

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity... in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!*

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next*5 years,*but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!*

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold... hence the rub... marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.*

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.*

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.*

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump."*

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

 

[chrisr116]

Best advice go take your aggression out on as much pussy as possible. Move on brother relationships are hard believe me I travel for work and that takes a huge toll on any relationship.

2 options sit there and dwell on it or go find someone closer to your own age that truly males you happy and supports your decisions no matter what they may be good or bad. Hopefully you'll be able to find someone that makes you want to be a better person like I did. Sometimes I still have the devilish side that tries to take over but I recently became a father of a beautiful baby girl and she makes me actually think before I act.

For those that knew me before knew I did t give a shit about nothing but making money, pumping iron and humping til I met my soulmate and had a child.

I believe heavily in karma and good things will come brother you just have to wait it out and keep fishing for the right woman.

More people will chime in but that's all I've got for right now. I've got a lot going on and don't have as much time to write everything out like I'd like. Working a 14+ hour day and had a short break

Very well spoken right there....

 

[custom creation]

You feel that way because now you can't have her. It's obvious that neither one of you has been happy. I didn't find the right one and marry until I was 38. I would move on and take your time. The right one will come along when you least expect it.

Bear

 

[thebrick]

She damaged your pride and ego and is using you and you are trying to salvage it and prove her wrong. You thought you were in the drivers seat and she screwed you behind your back. Quit getting your validation from this dysfunctional, loser, parasite of a woman. Say, fuck you loser, and go get you some strange right now. Don't worry about what other people think. Fuck them too. Time will reveal the truth to them. So just take care of yourself and worry about what is good for you.

If you keep catching the same type of fish, go fish in another pond.

 

[The Grim Repper]

Possibly on some level, you chose a relationship where you would be in a position to not have to 'live up' to the expectations of a partner your age, where you could be the wiser, mysterious, knowledgeable one. If so, although noble and very 'safe' you were unwise. You chose to place your trust and emotion in a very immature person with no ability to express their emotions (that's what young girls do, stamp their feet and sulk. I have two young daughters, I know.).
Move on, find someone you like and let things happen. She sounds like a dim bulb.

 

[turbobusa]

Sounds like a bit of codependency . Likely you want o prove her wrong(ego pride)
and "make it" work.I'm on wife number 3. I use to "grovel" and all that sorry shit in my youth when females felt I would chase them to keep a shitty relationship going. No more . Wife 3 knows if I'm not happy my blinders come off.
NEVER NEVER chase a female. You set yourself up for abuse and unhappiness.
Stop looking and concentrate on self. The right woman will find you.
Thx.. T

 

[thebull2012]

I believe you guys are all correct. My pride is damaged but I couldn't tell you why I was chasing her to try and fix things. I let her convince me that we would work on things. All along she was seeing another guy. One who is much older and is goofy looking, not to sound mean but she really downgraded. But that's not important, because of her behavior and age I honestly don't think she even knows what she's doing or wants. I think she just entertains attention from anywhere she can get it. She flies by the seat of her pants in the moment type thing. There is no stability, it's all about "now" and temporary feelings. It sucks because I cared for someone that isn't even real and I should have known better and seen the signs. What's worse is I wished I hadn't helped her or given her money as I'll never get that back. Hearing you guys opinions really helps and if there are more please continue.

 

[The Grim Repper]

Many times people 'downgrade' so they'll be the attractive one. My ex did it. I'm not Brad F-ing Pitt, but this guy was an ogre and within 6 weeks of seeing him, she called crying hysterically that 'he's going to kill me!'. I told her, "your mess, get a restraining order, but don't call me.' LOL
As far as giving her money you're not getting back. I'm not sure how much it was, but you can look it like that's what you paid to get rid of her. You got off easy my friend.

 

[thebrick]

Amen to that Grim! Better now than later... after you are married and then they take 1/2 of all your money and assets AFTER all the lawyers fees in a divorce that bleeds your brain dry just dealing with it.

 

[chrisr116]

Hopefully she does not come up pregnant and say that your the daddy. Many a man has gone down like that. That's when it get painful as hell. 20 or more years of about 35 percent of your income in child support.

 

[BigBob]

She sounds like a spoiled brat and a manipulator. Walk away and move on. These guys know what they're talking about.

 

[formula1069]

OK
Your stupid, get over it and move on, thats my advice

 

[The Grim Repper]

I hate how formula can never get to a distinguishable point when he posts.

 

[thebull2012]

I agree, I'm the idiot lol. But that doesn't negate the feelings I developed over the past year. Or does it erase my quest "why" or "how could you"

 

[formula1069]

I agree, I'm the idiot lol. But that doesn't negate the feelings I developed over the past year. Or does it erase my quest "why" or "how could you"

You will never know the answer and will drive your self nuts trying to figure it out, and in the end who cares it's over
back to my advice :
Get over it and move on , keep it simple

 

[Phoenixk2]

You will never know the answer and will drive your self nuts trying to figure it out, and in the end who cares it's over
back to my advice :
Get over it and move on , keep it simple

Formula is as sensitive as dear abbey, lol

 

[The Grim Repper]

Formula calls em like he sees em. Not a bad idea.

 

[thebrick]

I agree, I'm the idiot lol. But that doesn't negate the feelings I developed over the past year. Or does it erase my quest "why" or "how could you"

Don't try to figure out crazy people. You think like a caring, rational person. She thinks like a selfish person. Me, me, me.