- Oct 29, 2012
- 706
- 1
- 18
Dudcki started one of these threads over at Alin Board and it is a good thread so time to start one over here
Redneck Abs:
Redneck Abs:
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Lol
- Thread starter formula1069
- Start date
chrisr116
AnaSCI VET
- Nov 20, 2012
- 3,788
- 1
- 0
There is supposed to be a portable version coming out that you can wear to the beach, to the gym, etc.
- Oct 29, 2012
- 706
- 1
- 18
THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion:
'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds'
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
'How long will this take?' I asked.
'They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies.
I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'
Without missing a beat he says 'Worked for your arse, didn't it?'
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion:
'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds'
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
'How long will this take?' I asked.
'They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies.
I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'
Without missing a beat he says 'Worked for your arse, didn't it?'
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw
Big-John
AnaSCI VET
- Oct 25, 2012
- 3,128
- 0
- 0
- Oct 29, 2012
- 706
- 1
- 18
THE DOG FOOD DIET
> I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina, for my dog, and was in
> line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........
> Duh!
>
> I was feeling crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The
> Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because
I'd
> ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before
I
> awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my
> orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.
>
> I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying
> it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that
the
> way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets an
> simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the
> food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
>
> I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by
> now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind
her.
> Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and
was
> that why I ended up in the hospital. I said no.....I'd been sitting in
the
> street licking my ass when a car hit me.
>
> I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the
> door...........
>
> I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina, for my dog, and was in
> line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........
> Duh!
>
> I was feeling crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The
> Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because
I'd
> ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before
I
> awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my
> orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.
>
> I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying
> it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that
the
> way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets an
> simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the
> food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
>
> I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by
> now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind
her.
> Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and
was
> that why I ended up in the hospital. I said no.....I'd been sitting in
the
> street licking my ass when a car hit me.
>
> I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the
> door...........
>
- Oct 29, 2012
- 706
- 1
- 18
Deer Camp Roommate
All the guys were at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly.
They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring.
Couldn't sleep, so I also watched him all night."
The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast
bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night.
Bob sat up and watched me all night."
With age comes wisdom
All the guys were at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly.
They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring.
Couldn't sleep, so I also watched him all night."
The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast
bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night.
Bob sat up and watched me all night."
With age comes wisdom
BigBob
AnaSCI VET / Donating Member
- Nov 10, 2012
- 2,912
- 0
- 36
srd1
AnaSCI VET / Donating Member
- Oct 29, 2012
- 706
- 1
- 18
WORDS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
5. Indubitably
WORDS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate
WORDS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. I'm not interested in fighting you.
6. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance. I have
no coordination and would hate to look like a real fool!
7. Oh no, I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
5. Indubitably
WORDS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate
WORDS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. I'm not interested in fighting you.
6. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance. I have
no coordination and would hate to look like a real fool!
7. Oh no, I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.
- Oct 29, 2012
- 706
- 1
- 18
The wife's back on the warpath again. Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
After both suffering from depression for awhile, the wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, screw it, I'll soldier on!
I woke up this morning at 8 and just felt that something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!". As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.
After both suffering from depression for awhile, the wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, screw it, I'll soldier on!
I woke up this morning at 8 and just felt that something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!". As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.
tripletotal
Registered User
- Mar 12, 2013
- 600
- 0
- 0
