breakup and no closure

[thebull2012]

Any of you guys/girls ever go through a breakup and never got closure and have unanswered questions that may never be answered?

I'm going through one with a girl whom I believe to have some issues. Everything out of her mouth was a lie. I feel cheated as I put everything of my being in this and now I feel betrayed. The last time we spoke I politely asked for money she owed me, an argument followed because she dI dnt want to pay it, specifically she said "I have it but you aren't getting it" As months passed we never spoke but I was contacted by some of her exes via Facebook. The similar stories they shared with me about her drama, abusive behavior and lies was scary. At this point I have several questions I'd like to ask but I highly doubt I'll get an answer, and if I do, after the lies I'm not so sure I'd even believe her. My question is how do I get passed this itch that needs scratching. I know that at this point it should not matter but to me it does because I want to make sure I wasn't made a fool.

 

[srd1]

Brother when it comes to women we all get made a fool at one point or another best just to learn from it and move on...sounds like speaking to her again would produce nothing more than more confusion and questions cut it loose and move on....a very wise man once said "all bitches be crazy" ive lived my life with this in the back of my mind and its served me well.

 

[MilburnCreek]

You're not a fool if you learn to make a clean break and stop dwelling in what can only be an unwinnable pissing match where truth is constantly flexible. (Some people are so fucked up they don't even KNOW what the truth is...months or years later, when they re-think it all, their 'truth' changes multiple times.)

If you don't make a clean break but keep obsessing on something you have no control over - and have no right to control in the first place - then yes, you have been made into a fool. You are foolish as long as you allow yourself to pursue it.

The good news is: it's ALL up to you: Foolish pursuit of an unwinnable victory and changing answers...or the Wisdom of WalkAway Power...

 

[thebrick]

Good advice already given. Let go and move on. You can't figure out insanity. As long as you keep dwelling on it, she still has you by the balls. She's good at screwing people over. She has a long history of it, obviously. We've all been used at some point. Live, learn and move on to better things.

 

[thebull2012]

Guess I'm just not use to being tricked. Someone lives with you for so long and tells you things that effects you (positively) in your heart, it's just hard to swallow and just accept it. Was she tricking me, did she change for the worst overnight. What did I miss or not see? I appreciate you guys taking the time to read/respond. It's like everything I'm finding out from our time together was pretty much all lies

 

[Magnus82]

When you find the right girl, all your questions about you x will become irrelevant. Take it as a learning experience and will prepare you to be a little more selective when it comes to selecting someone. It's all screening process.

 

[thebull2012]

I actually dated a girl right after. Felt like I could trust her, something about my ex...I never did trust her. Some of that was my own insecuritis and some was the things she did and said. I was use to being engaged in mind games, finger pointing. A great example of her tricks was, if I looked, at her cell and found messages to guys that were inappropriate, she would turn the tables and say it's my fault for looking on her cell. This never happened but she was a master mind at turning the tables and never accepting responsibility. The new girl worshipped the ground I walked on. Even after I told her I wasn't ready, she stayed , she said it was to help me through it. I had to end it because I couldn't give her what she was giving me. I was never really happy with the new one, I don't know if it was me being heartbroken or if it was just us not clicking. I do know that she had a far better, kinder heart than my ex. I'm not sure I even know what normal is. Seems like I go after the wild crazy ones that end up hurting me. Then when a good one comes along I'm "bored" so to speak. I trust her, she trusts me. I know I can rely on her. There is no fighting. Seems to me that's a good thing but after a while it becomes predictable and I'm unhappy. Is silly as it sounds I'm happier with the bad ones rather than someone who I know will always be there for me....maybe I need counseling.

 

[greggy]

My father told me a long time ago, "The fucking you're getting now isn't worth the fucking you'll get later". For me at first I thought "whatever". Today though, that man has been right. So my word of advice is to talk to your dad who won't give you any Bullshit and tell you straight up how it is. All of us that are father's here would only do the same.

 

[*Bio*]

I actually dated a girl right after. Felt like I could trust her, something about my ex...I never did trust her. Some of that was my own insecuritis and some was the things she did and said. I was use to being engaged in mind games, finger pointing. A great example of her tricks was, if I looked, at her cell and found messages to guys that were inappropriate, she would turn the tables and say it's my fault for looking on her cell. This never happened but she was a master mind at turning the tables and never accepting responsibility. The new girl worshipped the ground I walked on. Even after I told her I wasn't ready, she stayed , she said it was to help me through it. I had to end it because I couldn't give her what she was giving me. I was never really happy with the new one, I don't know if it was me being heartbroken or if it was just us not clicking. I do know that she had a far better, kinder heart than my ex. I'm not sure I even know what normal is. Seems like I go after the wild crazy ones that end up hurting me. Then when a good one comes along I'm "bored" so to speak. I trust her, she trusts me. I know I can rely on her. There is no fighting. Seems to me that's a good thing but after a while it becomes predictable and I'm unhappy. Is silly as it sounds I'm happier with the bad ones rather than someone who I know will always be there for me....maybe I need counseling.

First off, when there are red flags in the beginning you need see them for what they are. Don't rationalize of ignore them...This seems to be where many men and women go wrong and cause themselves a lot of heartache!

In regards to your initial question, you have to realize that she has a lot of problems...That should be your closure! She seems to have some deep emotional issues and may in fact have some mental health issues. Either way, you'll never get closure by speaking to her due to these issues...The response(s) will likely resonate in anger...If the response(s) appears sincere, then due to your explanation of her, it would most likely be lies, with her main intention being to manipulate you.

Focus on important issues in your life and move in a positive and healthy direction!

 

[under]

I don't think you will ever get closure, as most people want answers to their questions, but the problem is they are not you and therefore she will almost surely leave you with more questions or hurt you even more. Best advice leave it where it left off and put it down to experience.
Just my 2cents.

 

[thebull2012]

There were definitely red flags. Even at the time I seen them but I chose to ignore them. For the first 6-8 months was constant fighting because she wouldn't tell the truth, even about silly things. She was arrogant, selfish, all about her. Even told me verbatim "I don't know what no means, I get what I want" really who says that lol. After so long I was unhappy and miserable. For some reason I stayed in it. Convenient I guess. Several times she slapped me because she was mad. Pulled a gun on me. Once a knife. When I asked for the money she owed, she tried to hi me with her car. Eventually I began standing up for myself and she would turn the tables and make me feel guilty for standing my ground. Shortly after that didn't work so she would with hold sex, ignore me for days (after I asked her to move out). God knows what she was really doing the days she ignored me. But it was my fault because I stayed. The car incident was my final straw. I ended it. I believe you guys are correct. Getting answers from her would have zero positive outcome. It's textbook, she would definitely use that as yet another opportunity to play games and hurt me. I gave her the benefit of the doubt always. Some may say I must have done something for her to become violent but truth is , I never did anything. I stood there and let her bash me verbally. I put my foot down and shit hit the fan. To this day I hear she calls me crazy. And just like her stories of her exes before me, she was the good girl and I was bad. That was the first red flag I ignored. Everyone is bad buy her. I'll be just another story .

 

[Sully]

We accept the love we think we deserve- Steven Chbosky

I'll say it if no one else will. Your problem is you. Stay single and work on yourself for a while. Figure out why u accept shitty behavior, excessive drama, lies and cheating and a general cunt-like attitude. Then refuse to accept it anymore. If you think you're better than that type of behavior, then you must refuse to accept it. The first time a woman starts that type of shit, tell her it's not going to be acceptable if it's going to work between the 2 of u. The next time she tries it, break up with her, walk away and don't look back. If you tolerate it, you encourage it. you have to be prepared to cut someone out of your life if they insist on acting in a way that you consider unacceptable. If you're not truly prepared to do that, then the message you send to that person is you find their behavior perfectly acceptable.

 

[thebull2012]

I agree. I've been told , "you teach others how you want them to treat you"

 

[thebrick]

I agree. I've been told , "you teach others how you want them to treat you"

Yes. Also... good people will treat you in the same way they like to be treated. Because they respect you.

 

[amateurmale]

Thebull2012 I'm curious how old you are?

 

[thebull2012]

30. Probably don't act like it at times

 

[amateurmale]

30. Probably don't act like it at times

As long as you realize it.

 

[KletoReese]

I actually dated a girl right after. Felt like I could trust her, something about my ex...I never did trust her. Some of that was my own insecuritis and some was the things she did and said. I was use to being engaged in mind games, finger pointing. A great example of her tricks was, if I looked, at her cell and found messages to guys that were inappropriate, she would turn the tables and say it's my fault for looking on her cell. This never happened but she was a master mind at turning the tables and never accepting responsibility. The new girl worshipped the ground I walked on. Even after I told her I wasn't ready, she stayed , she said it was to help me through it. I had to end it because I couldn't give her what she was giving me. I was never really happy with the new one, I don't know if it was me being heartbroken or if it was just us not clicking. I do know that she had a far better, kinder heart than my ex. I'm not sure I even know what normal is. Seems like I go after the wild crazy ones that end up hurting me. Then when a good one comes along I'm "bored" so to speak. I trust her, she trusts me. I know I can rely on her. There is no fighting. Seems to me that's a good thing but after a while it becomes predictable and I'm unhappy. Is silly as it sounds I'm happier with the bad ones rather than someone who I know will always be there for me....maybe I need counseling.

You CERTAINLY need counseling. You need to go to the root of why you seem to be drawing and being attracted to the crazy ones. If they are a bit over the top that's OK but, if they are down right manipulative that's certainly not. Seek the help you need now before you sink in too deep later in life.

 

[KletoReese]

We accept the love we think we deserve- Steven Chbosky

I'll say it if no one else will. Your problem is you. Stay single and work on yourself for a while. Figure out why u accept shitty behavior, excessive drama, lies and cheating and a general cunt-like attitude. Then refuse to accept it anymore. If you think you're better than that type of behavior, then you must refuse to accept it. The first time a woman starts that type of shit, tell her it's not going to be acceptable if it's going to work between the 2 of u. The next time she tries it, break up with her, walk away and don't look back. If you tolerate it, you encourage it. you have to be prepared to cut someone out of your life if they insist on acting in a way that you consider unacceptable. If you're not truly prepared to do that, then the message you send to that person is you find their behavior perfectly acceptable.

SPOT ON!! Every man should do this for himself. In fact each one of us should do a daily reality check to see what garbage we invite and readily accept so that we can change what we need to.

 

[Sully]

And here's a little video to help you out in your future dating life.

[ame]https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hKWmFWRVLlU[/ame]